Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control Anger
Produced by Alastair Duhs | Anger Management Expert
Recent Episode Log Feed
104 - 3 Shifts That Change How You Argue
For help controlling your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/.Most advice about arguing tells you what not to do. Do not shout. Do not blame. Do not walk out. In this episode, Alastair gives you the other half: three shifts to make instead, each with words you can actually say.If you have ever known what not to do in an argument but had no idea what to do instead, you are not alone. If you have been told you are too blunt, that you shut down, or that you rush in to fix things, you will recognise yourself.You will learn the three shifts of the Winner's Triangle, the antidote to the drama triangle: persecutor to assertive, victim to vulnerable, rescuer to caring.Each shift comes with the exact words. Instead of "I can't believe you forgot to shop again", you say "I'm frustrated, can we talk about what happened?" Instead of "You never listen to me", you say "I feel unheard right now." Instead of "Here's what you should do", you ask "What do you need from me right now?" Alastair also shares the client who spent years confusing honesty with negativity, and how his wife stopped shutting down once he learned the difference.The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women master anger management, communicate without conflict, rebuild trust after anger, and build calmer, happier relationships.Hosted by anger specialist Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
103 - Your Arguments Are Never About What You Think
For help controlling your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/.Two weeks after the last argument, you are having it again. Different trigger, same fight, same ending. In this episode, Alastair explains why the argument was never about the thing you were arguing about, and shows you the pattern running underneath it.If you keep having the same fight in different clothes, if your partner goes quiet and withdraws after you have spoken to them, or if your kids tiptoe around you after a row, you will recognise this pattern.You will learn the three roles people fall into when conflict starts: the persecutor who blames and criticises, the victim who feels powerless and deflects responsibility, and the rescuer who smooths things over and stops the real issue being addressed.The pattern has a name, the Drama Triangle. The part most people miss is that nobody stays in one role. Alastair walks through one argument over a burnt dinner where a husband and wife switch through all three roles in minutes, and both go to bed feeling like the victim. He also gives you the one question that starts to break the cycle: not what role were they in, but what role was I in?The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women master anger management, improve healthy conflict resolution, repair relationships after arguments, and create calmer, happier homes.Hosted by anger specialist Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
102 - 3 Simple Skills To Control Your Anger
For help controlling your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/.You know you should stay calm. You promise yourself you will. Then something happens and you are already shouting before you have decided to. In this episode, Alastair explains why controlling your anger is not one big act of willpower, but three small skills most people have never been shown.If your anger feels like a switch that flips out of nowhere, if your jaw tightens or your voice changes without you noticing, or if you only realise you have lost your temper once the damage is done, you are not alone.You will learn three practical skills you can start using this week: how to recognise your early warning signs of anger, why slowing down for one or two seconds changes a conversation, and how knowing your anger triggers lets you prepare instead of react.Alastair shares the two-word technique one client used to force a pause, starting his next sentence with "I think" or "I feel". His wife noticed the difference within weeks. You will also hear about a dad whose anger felt like it came from nowhere, until he learned to spot his shoulders creeping up and his answers getting shorter.The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women master anger management, stay calm under pressure, manage anger triggers, and build calmer, happier relationships.Hosted by anger specialist Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
101 - Is Your Anger Tearing Your Marriage Apart? 5 Things to Do Right Now
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Is anger creating distance in your marriage? Maybe your partner has started walking on eggshells around you, conversations keep turning into arguments, or you feel like you're drifting further apart despite wanting things to be different.In this episode, I share five practical steps you can take today to start repairing your relationship. You'll learn how to take responsibility without blaming yourself, communicate instead of making assumptions, listen in a way that rebuilds trust, reconnect with your partner, and stop small disagreements from becoming major conflicts.You'll discover:Why taking responsibility is the first step toward rebuilding trust.How assumptions quietly create unnecessary conflict in relationships.The listening skill that can completely change the way you and your partner communicate.Why making intentional time for your marriage matters more than you think.One simple question that can stop unnecessary arguments before they cause lasting damage.If your anger is hurting your marriage, this episode will give you practical tools to strengthen your relationship, improve communication, and begin creating a calmer, happier home.The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships and create calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
100 - Is This Just Who I Am? 10 Stories That Prove You Can Control Your Anger.
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Have you ever found yourself thinking: "Maybe this is just who I am?". If you've tried to control your anger before and slipped back into old patterns, you're not alone. It's one of the biggest reasons people stop believing lasting change is possible.In this special episode, I share the stories of 10 real people who once believed they were too far gone to change. They'd spent years making promises, apologizing after angry outbursts, and wondering if things would ever be different. Today, they're calmer, happier, and rebuilding the relationships that matter most.You'll discover:Why self-doubt keeps so many people trapped in the anger cycle.What changed for these 10 men and women—and why their progress happened faster than they expected.How learning practical anger management skills transformed their marriages, families, and daily lives.Why lasting change comes from following a structured process, not relying on willpower alone.If you've started believing your anger is simply part of who you are, let these stories remind you that change is possible, and that it's never too late to begin.The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and create calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
99 - Do I Have an Anger Problem? 5 Questions to Help You Find Out
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Have you ever wondered "Do I have an anger problem?". You don't have to be shouting, throwing things or losing control for anger to be quietly damaging your relationships, your family, and your peace of mind.In this episode, I answer the five most important questions people ask about anger. You'll discover what anger really is, why it happens, when it's helpful, how to recognize when it's becoming a problem, and the practical steps you can take to regain control.You'll learn:What anger really is - and why it's an emotion, not a behavior.Why your thoughts create anger more than the situations you face.When anger can be useful - and when it damages your relationships.The warning signs that your anger may be affecting your partner, children, or work.Three practical ways to start controlling your anger before it controls you.If you've been told you have an anger problem (or you've started asking yourself that question) this episode will help you understand what's really happening and show you where to begin.The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and create calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
98 - Three Things to Do Before Your Anger Takes Over
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Have you ever wondered why your anger seems to take over before you even realise what's happening? The truth is, there is a brief moment when you still have a choice - and what you do in that moment can change everything.In this episode, I share three simple strategies you can use before anger takes over. You'll learn how to recognise your body's early warning signs, ask one powerful question that interrupts angry reactions and shift your focus in a way that can transform your conversations and your relationships.You'll discover:How to recognise the physical warning signs that anger is building.The one question that helps stop anger before it escalates.Why curiosity is more powerful than defensiveness during conflict.How these simple habits can strengthen your marriage, improve family relationships, and help you stay calm under pressure.If you've ever found yourself wondering, "How did I lose my temper again?" this episode will give you practical tools to interrupt the anger cycle before it turns into another argument.The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and create calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
97 - "Don't Take It Personally" Is Useless Advice - Here's What Actually Works
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Have you ever been told "Don't take it personally"? It's advice almost everyone has heard - but almost nobody explains how to do it.The truth is, taking things personally isn't a character flaw or a sign you're too sensitive. It's a pattern. And once you understand why it happens, you can stop reacting defensively, handle criticism more calmly, and build stronger, healthier relationships.In this episode, I explain why people take things personally and share two simple principles that can change the way you respond when someone criticises you, snaps at you or says something that hurts. You'll hear real stories from clients who learned to stop assuming every comment was a personal attack, communicate more effectively, and create calmer relationships at work and at home.We'll explore:Why most criticism says more about the other person than it does about you.How to tell the difference between a personal attack and feedback that's worth listening to.Why getting defensive keeps you stuck - and what to do instead.Practical ways to build emotional control, reduce anger, and respond with confidence under pressure.If you often replay conversations in your head, feel hurt by criticism, or struggle not to take things personally, this episode will give you practical tools you can start using today.The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women gain control of destructive anger, improve emotional regulation, strengthen relationships, and build calmer, happier lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
96 - His Daughter Sat Him Down at Christmas. Eighteen Months Later, Everything Had Changed.
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com.One Christmas, Michael's daughter finally told him what decades of uncontrolled anger had done to their family. Eighteen months later, his life (and his relationships) look very different.For years, Michael believed everyone else was the problem. He could control his temper at work, but at home his wife and daughter experienced a very different side of him. After a painful Christmas conversation and weeks of follow-up emails from his daughter, he reached a point where he knew something had to change.In this episode, Michael shares how he learned to take responsibility for his anger instead of blaming other people, why controlling anger turned out to be easier than he expected, and how lasting change comes from understanding the real causes of anger rather than simply trying to suppress it.We also talk about rebuilding trust after anger, repairing relationships that have been damaged over many years, and why personal change has to be driven by your own values—not by waiting for someone else to forgive or acknowledge you.If you've ever wondered whether it's too late to change, whether your marriage can recover after years of anger, or whether your family can learn to trust you again, Michael's story offers hope, honesty, and practical insight.The Anger Management Podcast helps men gain control of destructive anger before it damages their marriage, family, and future. Each episode explores anger management, anger control, emotional regulation, healthier relationships, and practical strategies that create calmer, happier, and more connected lives. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
95 - 10 Rules to Control Your Anger for Good
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Most people think anger management is about calming down after they've already lost control. But if that's all you're focusing on, you're missing the bigger picture.Lasting anger control isn't built on a single technique. It's built on a set of principles that change how you think about anger, responsibility, communication and self-control. In this episode, I share the 10 rules I've taught clients for more than 30 years to help them gain lasting control over their anger.You'll learn why awareness is the foundation of anger management, how your thoughts create your emotional reactions, why anger and aggressive behavior are not the same thing, and how taking responsibility for your actions builds stronger relationships. I also explain the tension scale, the importance of listening skills, and why seeking to understand is often more powerful than trying to win an argument.Whether you've struggled with anger for years or simply want better tools for handling frustration, these 10 rules provide a practical framework you can start applying immediately.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
94 - Why Couples Drift Apart (And the 6 Hours a Week That Can Change Everything)
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Have you started feeling more like housemates than partners?Most relationships don't fall apart because of one big event. They drift apart slowly through dozens of small moments of disconnection. The good news is that the same process can work in reverse.In this episode, I share Dr. John Gottman's research-backed "Magic Six Hours" framework and the seven simple habits that help couples rebuild connection, intimacy and trust. You'll learn why small daily interactions matter more than grand romantic gestures, how to create meaningful moments of connection throughout the week and the habits that help couples stay emotionally close even during busy seasons of life.We explore practical strategies including better daily check-ins, expressing appreciation, physical affection, quality time, stress-reducing conversations and weekly relationship reviews that prevent small problems from becoming major sources of resentment.If you feel like you and your partner have gradually grown apart, this episode will show you how small, consistent actions can help you reconnect and strengthen your relationship.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
93 - The Real Reason You Keep Having the Same Argument Again and Again
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Why do the same arguments keep happening over and over again?Whether it's your partner, your children, a colleague or even a stranger in traffic, recurring anger isn't random. The same situations keep triggering you because of the way you're interpreting them. And until that changes, the pattern usually continues.In this episode, I share three powerful mindset shifts that can help you break the cycle. You'll learn how practicing acceptance reduces frustration, why empathy softens anger and improves relationships, and how maintaining perspective helps you stop turning small issues into major conflicts.Through real-world examples and practical strategies, you'll discover how to respond differently to the situations that repeatedly push your buttons. These aren't quick fixes, but they are proven skills that can dramatically reduce anger and help you create calmer, healthier relationships.If you're tired of having the same argument again and again, this episode will help you understand what's really driving the pattern - and what to do about it.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
92 - What to Say When Your Partner Is Upset (And Why Nothing You Say Seems to Help)
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Your partner is upset. You want to help. But somehow, everything you say seems to make things worse.The problem usually isn't that you don't care. It's that most people were never taught what their partner actually needs in those moments. Before advice, reassurance or solutions can help, your partner needs to feel understood.In this episode, I share four simple communication skills that can transform difficult conversations. You'll learn how to use minimal encouragers to show you're listening, ask questions that deepen connection, reflect back what you've heard so your partner feels understood, and use positive feedback to create emotional safety.These skills may sound simple, but they can dramatically improve communication, reduce conflict, and help your partner feel supported instead of dismissed. They're also some of the most effective tools I teach couples who want to strengthen their relationship and feel closer to each other.If you've ever wondered what to say when your partner is upset, this episode will give you a practical step-by-step approach you can start using today.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
91 - How to Control Anger: The Real Reason You Keep Losing Control
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.If you've ever promised yourself that this time would be different - only to find yourself losing your temper again a few weeks later- you're not alone.The problem usually isn't a lack of commitment. It's that most people have never been taught the skills that actually help them control anger. In this episode, I explain why trying harder isn't enough and reveal the three essential skills that create lasting change.You'll learn how to recognise your early warning signs before anger takes over, how positive self-talk and time-outs can stop escalation in the moment, and why changing the way you think about difficult situations is often the key to long-term anger control. I also explain how better communication and active listening help repair relationships and prevent recurring conflict.If you've struggled with anger for years and started wondering whether real change is possible, this episode will show you why it is—and how to get started.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
90 - You've Grown Apart: Here’s How to Close the Distance
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.You've grown apart, but that doesn't mean your relationship is over.Many couples still love each other deeply, yet find themselves feeling disconnected, stuck in the same arguments or simply coexisting rather than truly connecting. The good news is that emotional distance in relationships can be reversed when you focus on the right things.In this episode, I explain the hidden reason many couples drift apart: unmanaged anger. You'll learn how anger creates defensiveness, fear and emotional walls that make genuine intimacy difficult. I also share two additional strategies that can dramatically improve your relationship: learning to truly listen and using Dr. John Gottman's "Magic Six Hours" approach to rebuild connection.You'll discover why communication problems are often listening problems, how active listening can quickly change relationship dynamics, and the simple weekly habits that help couples feel close, connected, and understood again.If you feel like you and your partner have grown apart, this episode will give you practical steps to start closing the distance today.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
89 - You Can Feel Your Anger Building: Here's What to Do Next
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.You can feel your anger building. Your jaw tightens. Your thoughts get sharper. You know where it's heading, but you don't know how to stop it.In this episode, I share three practical techniques you can use when anger starts to rise: deep breathing, body scanning and mindful observation. These simple tools help you slow down, calm your nervous system, and create the space needed to make better decisions in difficult moments.You'll learn why mindfulness is one of the most effective anger management skills available, how to recognise your body's early warning signs of anger, and what to do when your mind starts spiralling toward frustration, resentment or rage.These techniques won't solve the deeper causes of anger on their own, but they can help you regain control in the moment and prevent small frustrations from turning into major conflicts.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
88 - Online Anger Management vs Face-to-Face Programs (From Someone Who's Run 2,000+ Sessions)
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Online anger management or face-to-face programs. Which one actually works better?After running more than 2,000 face-to-face anger management groups, over 10,000 individual counseling sessions, and nearly a decade of online anger management training, I've seen firsthand what helps people create lasting change, and what causes them to lose momentum.In this episode, I compare traditional face-to-face anger management programs with online programs, including the strengths and weaknesses of each approach. You'll learn why retention is often the biggest challenge in group-based programs, how repetition and self-paced learning accelerate progress, and why many people achieve better results when they can revisit lessons whenever they need to.I also explain an overlooked benefit of online anger management: the ability for partners to learn together. When both people understand the same tools, language, and strategies, it can dramatically improve communication and reduce conflict at home.If you're trying to decide between an online anger management program and a face-to-face course, this episode will help you choose the option that's most likely to work for your situation.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
87 - Why You're Still Losing It - Even After Trying Everything
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.If your anger keeps coming back no matter how hard you try to control it, the problem may not be your effort. It may be the mistakes that keep you trapped in the same anger cycle.Most people approach anger management by focusing on what happens after they lose control. They try to stop the outbursts, suppress the emotion or avoid situations that trigger them. But lasting anger control comes from understanding why anger keeps returning in the first place.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs breaks down seven common mistakes that prevent people from making real progress with anger management. We explore why treating symptoms instead of the root cause keeps you stuck, why suppressing anger often makes things worse, and how blaming other people gives away your power. You'll also learn how to identify the early warning signs of anger before it escalates, how negative self-talk fuels emotional reactions, why unrealistic expectations create unnecessary frustration and why trying to solve everything alone often slows progress.The goal isn't to become someone who never feels angry. The goal is to understand what's driving your anger, develop healthier emotional responses, and gain the skills needed to stay in control when life doesn't go as planned. If you've ever wondered why anger keeps coming back despite your best efforts, this episode will help you identify what's really standing in the way.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
86 - How to Tell If You Have Anger Issue
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through seven signs that anger may be causing real problems in your life. Whether it is a short fuse that surprises even you, relationships where someone walks on eggshells, or a quiet part of you wondering if others might be right, this episode helps you look honestly at where you stand.Rather than offering generic reassurance, Alastair walks through each sign with honesty and care, making clear that recognising the problem is not a weakness. It is the starting point for change. And the good news is that most people do not need years of therapy to turn this around. They need the right tools and a willingness to look clearly at their patterns.Key Takeaways:Anger itself is not the problem. The problem is when it gets expressed in ways that hurt you or the people around you. That is the line worth paying attention to.Your body often knows you are angry before your mind does. A clenched jaw, a racing heart, tension in your shoulders. Learning to read these signals early is often the difference between staying in control and losing it.Frequently regretting what you say or do after an anger episode is a clear signal. If you are regularly apologising and wishing you could unsay things, your anger is getting ahead of you.The person holding a grudge suffers more than anyone else. Letting go is not about excusing what someone did. It is about freeing yourself from the weight of carrying it.If someone in your life has told you that your anger is a problem, take it seriously. It takes courage to say that to someone. They risked your reaction because they care enough to try.Resources & Next Steps: If you recognised yourself in any of these seven signs, here is where to start:Take the free Anger QuizAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
85 - She Grew Up Surrounded by Violence. Here's How She Finally Broke the Cycle.
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs speaks with Fiona, a small business owner and mother who came to him carrying anger rooted in childhood. Whether it is anger with a partner who walks away mid-conversation, frustration at feeling unheard, or patterns that stretch back decades, Fiona's story will feel familiar to many listeners. In just seven weeks, she made changes significant enough that her husband noticed without being asked.Rather than accepting that her past defined her future, Fiona focused on one question: what can she actually control? Alastair walks through her journey, the tools that helped most and what her story means for anyone who feels stuck in the same cycles.Key Takeaways:You cannot control how other people communicate, but you can control how you respond. That shift in focus is often where real change begins.Your tension scale is one of the most practical tools you have. Learning to notice where you are on it early gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate.The thoughts and feelings model is not just theory. Once you understand that your thoughts shape your feelings, you can start to interrupt the pattern rather than being swept along by it.Change is possible even when the starting point is difficult. Fiona came from a background of violence and still made meaningful progress in seven weeks. Your history does not have to determine your future.And the good news is that the skills you build to manage anger with one person carry across into every area of your life. Fiona found the same tools helped her handle old family wounds surfacing in new situations.Resources & Next Steps: If Fiona's story sounds familiar and you are ready to start making changes of your own, here is where to begin:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System